Saint George and the Dragon | |
A mummers play | |
| An oral tradition by Ceres E Squire and Bernard Lawrence as performed by the Lambeth Players | |
| Roomer | Make room, some room, for me and my broom And all my actors coming behind! I must have room and I will have room All round, this Christmas [or replace with current season] time. Come in, the Turkish Knight! |
| Turkish Knight | Open your doors and let me in! I trust your favour I shall win! Whether I rise, or whether I fall, I'll do my best to amuse you all. Saint George is here, and vows he will come in, And if he does I know he'll pierce my skin. If you do not believe what I do say - Come in, the King of Egypt - Clear the way! |
| King of Egypt | Here I, the King of Egypt, boldly do appear. And with me Princess Sabra, my only daughter dear. Walk in, walk in, Saint George, my only son and heir, Walk in, walk in, and fairly act thy part, That all the people here may see thy wondrous art. |
| Saint George | Here come I, Saint George. From Britain I did spring I'll fight the Dragon bold, my wonders to begin. |
| Princess Sabra | Please wear my favour on you arm To keep you from all kinds of harm. |
| Saint George | I'll clip his wings - he shall not fly - I'll cut him down, or else I die! |
| Dragon | Who's that who seeks the Dragon's blood, And cries so angry and so loud? That English dog, will he before me stand? I'll cut him down with my courageous hand! I'll cut him down - I'll cut him up! I'll cut him up as small and numerous as flies, And send him to the cook-shop to make mince pies! Mince pies hot! Mince pies cold! Mince pies in the pot, nine days old! With my long teeth and mighty jaw, Of such I'd eat up half a score To stay my stomach till I'd more! |
| Saint George | Where is the beast that bids me stand? I'll cut him down with my courageous hand! |
| Dragon | I am the Dragon - here are my claws! I am the Dragon - beware of my jaws! |
Fight - Saint George is killed | |
| Roomer | Oh, is there a doctor to be found, All ready near at hand, To cure a deep and deadly wound And make the champion stand? |
| Nurse | Oh yes, there is a doctor here at hand, And he will make the champion stand. Come in Doctor. |
| Doctor Brown | Here come I, old Doctor Brown, The very best Doctor in [town name] town. I can cure molly-grubs, scolly-grubs, School dinners, palsy and gout, Pains within and pains without - You got any pains without, missus? I carry a little bottle of alecampane, That brings dead men to life again. |
Business with tube and funnel | |
| Doctor Brown | Here, George - take some of my flip-flop Down your tip-top - Rise up, and fight again! |
Fight - dragon is killed. Princess curtsies to Saint George, who takes her hand | |
| Saint George | Here am I, Saint George, that worthy champion bold, And with my sword and shield I won three crowns of gold. I fought the fiery Dragon, and brought him down in slaughter; By that I won fair Sabra, the King of Egypt's daughter. Where is the man that now will me defy? I'll cut his waistcoat full of holes - And make his buttons fly! |
| Turkish Knight | Here come I, the Turkish Knight, Come from Turkish lands to fight. I'll fight Saint George, who is my foe, I'll make him yield before I go! He brags to such a high degree - He thinks there's none can do the likes of he! I'll fight Saint George with courage bold - If his blood's hot, I'll make it cold! |
| Saint George | To a Turkish Knight I'll never bow or bend But you and I must fight this battle to the end. |
Fight - Saint George is killed. | |
| Roomer | Oh, what wouldn't I give for a jolly noble doctor? Five pounds? |
| Doctor Brown | Not enough. |
| Roomer | Ten pounds? |
| Doctor Brown | Not enough. |
| Roomer | Fifteen pounds? |
| Doctor Brown | Not enough. |
| Roomer | Twenty oounds? |
| Doctor Brown | Twenty pounds, it is my fee! |
| Roomer | Then, Doctor, Doctor, come away, Doctor, Doctor, don't delay. Doctor, Doctor, do your part, For he is wounded to the heart. |
| Doctor Brown | Here I am, with my elecampane - Feel it make you better again! Take a drop of my hi-de-jee - The liver and lights of an old buck flea, All boiled up in an old piece of leather And put into my flask with a tom-cat's feather. You can't get this stuff at Boots, you know! (I even take drop myself sometimes!) |
Tube and funnel business again | |
| Doctor Brown | Here, George, take some of my niff-naff Down your tiff-taff. Rise up and fight again! |
Business finding Turkish Kinght in the crowd. | |
| Turkish Knight | Oh, pardon me, Saint George, pardon of thee I crave! Oh, pardon me, Saint George, and I will be your slave! |
| Omnes sing | Rule Britannia, Britannia rule the waves! Britons never, ever, ever shall be slaves. |
| Saint George | No pardon shall't thou have, while I have foot to stand. So rise again, and fight it out, sword in hand! |
| Turkish Knight | No! |
Turkish Knight runs away | |
| Saint George | Now, run to your foreign land and tell What heroes do in England dwell. |
| Doctor Brown | And when you get to your foreign town Tell of the potion of old Doctor Brown! |
| Saint George | Sting like a butter fly, float like a bee! I am the greatest - I hope you all agree! Where is the man that dares to fight with me? I'll split his gizzard with my sword, his blood I'll surely see! |
| Roomer | Hush, hush, Saint George - don't be so hot. You don't know the kind of man outside i've got. |
Saint George brags that he'll take on anybody. | |
| Roomer | Come in, Bull Slasher. |
| Bull Slasher | In comes this valiant soldier bold, Bull Slasher is my name - with a long sword buckled at my side, I'm sure to win the game. My head is made of iron, my body lined with steel, And brass unto my knuckle-bones, I'll fight you in the field. A challenge to battle I do call, To see which of us to the ground shall fall So guard your head, and mind my blows, Look after your face and mind your nose! |
| Saint George | Now mind your body and mind your head, Or else my sword will strike you dead. |
| Bull Slasher | Battle to battle I do cry, To see who'll be the first to die. |
| Saint George | Now do your best, and do your worst, I swear that you shall be the first! |
Fight - Saint George is killed. | |
| Roomer | Oh, is there a doctor to be found All ready, near at hand, To cure a deeep and deadly wound And make the champion stand? |
Doctor holds up "Gone to lunch" sign. | |
| Roomer | Do you know any one, sister? |
| Nurse | If you feel ill, you need a pill; If you feel worse, you need a nurse; If you're so ill you cannot stand - You're nearly in the promised land - I have Jane Finney here at hand, And she will make the champion stand. Come in Jane Finney. |
| Jane Finney | My name's Mistress Finney, to you!; |
| Roomer | Then, tell me quickly, what can you do? |
| Jane Finney | More than you or any man can. I had a very serious case the other day. |
| Roomer | A very serious case, Mrs. Finney? What was it? |
| Jane Finney | A sparrow with the tooth-ache. |
| Roomer | A sparrow with the tooth-ache, Mrs. Finney? How did you cure that? |
| Jane Finney | Pulled 'is 'ead orf, and threw his body smartly in the ditch! |
| Roomer | How did you come to be a doctor, Mrs. Finney? |
| Jane Finney | Because of my travels. |
| Roomer | How far have you travelled then? |
| Jane Finney | From the fire-place to the cupboard. |
| Roomer | What no further? |
| Jane Finney | From the top of the stairs to the bottom. |
Or substitute the above with a "pub-crawl" of local pubs, eg.: "from the Wheatsheaf to the Plough and Harrow", etc. | |
| Roomer | What no further? |
| Jane Finney | I've been to Italy, Sicily, France and Spain, All round the world and back again. There's nowhere that I haven't been, And no disease that I haven't seen |
| Roomer | Well, you're the one to cure Saint George. |
| Jane Finney | So I will, if he hasn't been dead more than a fortnight Now where did I put that pill? Here it is! Now, turn him over. |
Princess, Nurse and Roomer make an hash of it. | |
| Jane Finney | Now, George, take this pill.Gollop it down. |
George refuses. Roomer pokes him with broom. | |
| Jane Finney | Don't you feel it doing you good? Arise, Saint George - and fight no more. |
| Saint George | Fight no more.Would you repeat that? |
| Jane Finney | I said, fight no more. |
| Saint George | Bull, Slasher you've put my valour to the test, Now, shake hands, for I admit you're the best. |
| Bull Slasher | Thank you George. |
| Saint George | Now that I've my duty done, I'll go to the dear bride I have won. |
| Princess Sabra | Saint George, I'll surely keep my vow: My heart I'll give you here and now. One half of Egypt do I give to you, My knight of honour, brave and true. |
| Roomer | Come in Father Christmas. |
| Father Christmas | In comes old Father Christmas, I've not long to stay, But I hope you'll remember me When I've gone away. But now I'm here, welcome or not, I hope old Father Christmas will never be forgot. |
| Roomer | Come in, Miss Fly. |
| Miss Fly | Here come I, light as a fly, Got no money, but what care I? |
| Roomer | Come in Sweep. |
| Sweep | I am the sweep - what I get I keep! |
| Roomer | Come in, Little Johnny Jack. |
| Johnny Jack | Here come I, Little Johnnny Jack, My wife and family at my back. My family's large, and I am small, A little if you please would help us all. |
| Roomer | Come in, Betsy Bub. |
| Betsy Bub | In come I, the Betsy Bub. I'm half a woman and half a man. In my hand I carry a club; And by my side, a frying pan. Don't you think I'm a nice old man? |
| Roomer | Come in, Little Devil Doubt. |
| Devil Doubt | Here am I, Little Devil Doubt. If you don't give me money, I'll sweep you all out Money I want, and money I crave - If you don't give me money - I'll sweep you to your grave! |
| Roomer | Come in Big Head. |
| Big Head | Here comes old Big Head, with my big head and my little wit. My head's so big and my wit's so small, But I'll play a tune to amuse you all. |
| Roomer | Now, Ladies and Gentlemen, our play it is ended. To part with your money you're now recommended. |
Omnes collect money while tune is played. | |
© Copyright 1993, Ceres E Squire and Bernard Lawrence | |